It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
