still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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