Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
