There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
