when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
