So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
