We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
