A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
