Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
