my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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