He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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