This house was built for laser tag.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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