Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
