You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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