i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
