Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
