I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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