I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize