mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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