if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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