Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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