My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
