Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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