i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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