She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
