I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
