just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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