i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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