Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
