Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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