The maid of honor just puked.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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