I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
