You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
