Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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