I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
A bitchslap is in order.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize