K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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