apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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