proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
