i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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