I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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