You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
