That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
