Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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