Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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