Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
