stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
