Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
