just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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