She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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