i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
