help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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