wat bout pragnant strippers??
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
