He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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