Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize