So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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