Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
