Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
