Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
