do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
