with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
