I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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