this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
