I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My vagina is officially offended.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
