So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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