Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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