I skipped work to stalk him.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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