You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
