She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
